


I Need You

by the_a_lady



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Confessions, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-06-10 01:13:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15280320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_a_lady/pseuds/the_a_lady
Summary: As Dean teaches Cas about the Impala, some blunt teasing from Sam incites shenanigans between the hunter and his favorite angel.





	1. Chapter 1

“Dean?” Cas cocked his head in confusion. “What are you doing?”

Dean was, in fact, not doing anything out of the ordinary: he was splayed out below his beloved Impala, working on something-or-other that probably didn’t need fixing in the first place. Cas could see the lower half of Dean’s shins sticking out from underneath the car’s bumper, his right foot bobbing along to the heavy drums echoing through the garage. He directed his words at the hunter’s boots.

Sighing, Dean scooted out into the open and lifted himself gracefully to his feet. 

“I’m tryna fix my car, Cas,” said Dean gruffly, “and tryna enjoy it.” His voice could barely be heard over the wailing of the song’s lyrics. 

“Oh.” Cas didn’t know how exactly to continue the conversation without bothering Dean; so he tried changing the topic to a necessary one. “Sam’s doing some research on a possible case in Wisconsin. Two people missing so far.”

Dean wordlessly arched an eyebrow at Cas as he turned to grab a wrench from his nearby bench of tools, tapping the radio as he did so. The garage fell silent.

Cas pushed on. “So. We may need to head out later this evening if Sam deems it to be a case.”

“Good thing I’m working on the car then, eh? Beauty doesn’t get this fine without regular maintenance.” Dean clapped the car’s hood proudly before lifting it and inspecting several mechanisms that Cas didn’t fully understand.

“Dean?”

“Hmmnng?”

“Can I help?”

Dean whipped around so fast he narrowly missed hitting his head on the Impala’s hood. “You want to help with… Baby?”

“Yes.” Cas figured the best way to connect with Dean at this moment was to try and understand his love for this machine. “I want to help.”

Dean’s mouth twitched into a half-smile and he bent purposefully back over the engine, saying that he would occasionally ask Cas for a tool or teach him the function of a part. 

“Hand me that 7/16 wrench, will ya?” Dean offered an empty hand without looking up. 

Cas studied the assortment of tools laying on the bench before him and selected the correct one. He set in gingerly in Dean’s palm, which disappeared back into the car almost as soon as the metal had touched his skin. Cas heard something being tightened, and he stepped closer so he could see what Dean was doing. Unfortunately, the hunter had already finished with the wrench, and he looked up for a moment to toss it deftly back onto the bench.

Dean turned back to the car, waving the angel closer. “So, Cas, this here’s where we check the oil,” explained Dean as he pulled a thin plastic stick seemingly out of nowhere. Inspecting it quickly, he extended it toward Cas. “See how it’s a lightish brown? That means the oil’s still okay.” He replaced the stick and pointed to a large cap. “That’s where we would fill up the oil if we needed to.”

Cas nodded. Although he already knew the basics of how cars worked, having come across a manual before, he didn’t say anything. The Impala was much different than the car in the manual, and he also liked seeing how Dean relaxed whenever he talked about his car.

Dean went on, detailing how the radiator and coolant were necessary to keep from overheating– he pointed out their locations and Cas leaned over to see– and how the combustion in the engine worked. Cas listened attentively, for he found reading the same information from a thin-paged book was much less interesting than hearing it from Dean, who livened up the whole process with proud smirks and excited tangents.

“Hey, guys?” Sam opened the door and flounced down the stairs, tablet in hand and hair flying. He tucked the stray locks back behind his ear without breaking pace. Seeing their two figures standing close together, he stopped short. “Uh, you guys want me to come back? I don’t want to interrupt the, uh… _learning_ going on here.” He broke into a mischievous grin.

Dean rolled his eyes and retorted, “Sam, I swear I’ll kick your ass. I’m just teaching Cas the basics about Baby.”

Cas picked the topic that Dean had most recently explained to present to Sam. Offering a small smile, he added, “Yes. In fact, he was showing me how, if not for the cooling system, the engine’s combustion can make the mechanism too hot.”

“Right.” Sam just smirked before continuing with his original message. “Well, it looks like the ‘case,’” he animated with air quotes, “isn’t actually our kind of thing. So. Guess you two can get back to… whatever.” He scoffed in their direction suggestively as Dean opened his mouth, trying to formulate a response. Cas noticed Dean’s cheeks were slightly more pink than usual. He watched the color spread slightly as Sam shot a final grin at his older brother and turned on his heels. The taller hunter exited the garage before Dean could form a sentence, closing the door quietly. 

_Hm. Since Dean hasn’t been drinking, that would signify embarrassment. I wonder why_ , Cas thought. Although, if the angel could blush, he believed he would be doing so. Sam had been raising eyebrows at them for quite some time now, although that was probably his most indiscreet jab yet. Cas thought the effort was pointless. Dean obviously cared for him, Cas could see in every interaction, but he would never admit his feelings– if they even ran that deep in the first place. Cas had already committed himself against acting on whatever he felt– he wasn’t quite sure what it even was, having had limited experience with emotions. 

Dean tensely leaned on the Impala’s frame, hands gripping the metal. Conflict was written all over his face, and Cas’ eyes traced the lines formed by the hunter’s knitted eyebrows before they focused on his tight pout. He seemed much more affected by his brother's antics than usual, which Cas found strange. According to his knowledge, nothing had changed between them, and the day had progressed normally. Until now.

“Dean?” Cas cautiously asked.

Dean looked up and met the angel’s eyes. His flashed with a wild longing backed by a deep green, taking Cas completely by surprise and causing the angel’s own to widen and reveal a light icy blue. The hunter’s eyes hardened with focus a moment later and Cas thought he had imagined the whole thing.

“I’m… sorry.” Dean’s voice was measured, but it quivered in a way that Cas had never heard before.

“Dean? Are you okay? I can tell Sam not to–” Cas tried.

“Dammit Cas– I–” Dean nearly growled with the effort of restraining… something. Cas frowned in concern; he had never seen Dean this visibly upset before.

Dean ground his teeth together. “Look, can we… can we go somewhere else?”

Blinking, Cas replied, “Of course.”

Dean whirled away almost too fast, glad to break the tension. He grabbed the wrench Cas had given him earlier to get the car in a state to run. Luckily, between his continuous explanations and Sam’s interruption, not much needed to be done. In a few short minutes, Dean was brooding over the wheel, eyes sharp, and Cas was in the passenger seat.

The car ride passed in silence, except for Dean’s hearty music. Though Cas wanted to prompt Dean to say whatever he was obviously holding back, he knew better. Dean wouldn’t talk unless he wanted to. 

Instead of talking, Cas simply studied Dean’s face, which still seemed to be flickering with a slight uncertainty, and for a moment he was worried that Dean would decide not to tell him after all. However, Cas could see Dean’s resolve was stronger in the way he was murdering the road with his gaze, jaw clenched tight. Whatever Dean was upset about, he had already made up his mind to reveal.

Cas exhaled slightly in relief. He could probably count the exact number of times Dean bottled something up, but he didn’t need to do so in order to know that it happened often. He was just glad that this wasn’t one of those times. _Whatever it is, I’ll help Dean figure it out no matter what_ , the angel promised himself.

Dean pulled into a deserted lot that had grass growing on one edge and a dark wooden shed on the other. Cas tipped his head toward the hunter questioningly.

“I come here during food runs sometimes,” Dean explained without turning his head, “to think.”

Cas simply nodded to affirm his understanding. He was glad that Dean had found a way to process the losses this life had inflicted on him, even if that method was without the company of Sam and himself.

The car bounced slightly as Dean braked into a stop, and Cas opened the door, framing the disappearing sun in familiar black metal. Dean jerked his head toward the small building, and Cas dutifully followed the hunter toward the shed. Dean’s shoulders were still tense, although his hands earnestly and nimbly unbolted the door as they reached the structure and entered. Cas softly shut the door.

Dean turned around. Baby pink and purple light slanted through the loosely attached planks, framing Dean’s face in an ethereal glow. Without anything to fiddle with, he stuffed his hands into the large pockets of his jacket.

“I guess I can’t really run anymore, huh?” Ever one to try and joke in serious times, now was no exception. 

Cas waited calmly and assumed an open stance to indicate to Dean that he was listening. By now the angel was bursting with curiosity, but he didn’t allow the emotion to seep into his body language, lest he put pressure on Dean.

“Look. Cas.” Dean began his speech with resolute eye contact but quickly looked away– at the floor, the wall, Cas’ trench coat, his belt, anywhere but meeting the angel’s eyes. “Well, basically I–” Dean yanked his hands from his pockets and ran his hands through his hair in exasperation, an unreadable expression on his face. “Dammit. I can’t do this.”

“Dean, if you’d rather write it dow–” 

And then, before the angel even knew what was happening, Dean’s arms were around his shoulders, strong and firm, and Cas froze for a moment before relaxing into the embrace. It seemed he would never get used to the sensation of the hunter surrounding him, and he clutched back desperately, trying to communicate the leaping of his heart without words. Dean’s lips were at his ear, and Cas heard him whisper, “There’s no way I can say this with you looking at me.”

“Dean. Seriously. What is going on?” Cas’ voice was low, and it felt almost coarse leaving his throat. This was no normal conversation, not even the discourse following Dean’s escape from hell had been this… intimate. Cas couldn’t help but imagine the possible reasons for this interaction, and his stomach was doing flips as he waited for Dean’s response.

Dean took a shuddering breath, and his embrace intensified. “Cas. The thing is, I need you.”

Cas was slightly confused, but he squeezed a little tighter anyway. Although Dean had expressed the same sentiment that day in the catacombs, when he had been brainwashed by Naomi, this felt different, more real. He started, “Dean, I–”

“No. You don’t understand.” Dean was on a roll now, and his breaths came quickly. “When you died, I was lost, man. I couldn’t go five seconds without thinking about you under that– that– _sheet_ ,” several tears dripped from Dean’s chin to Cas’ shoulder as he continued, “I _swore_ I’d get you back, even if it meant hunting Chuck down and _making_ him bring you back, even if I had to face Amara all over again, I…” Dean swallowed thickly. “I _need_ you. More than you can understand.”

“Dean,” the angel whispered tenderly, “I do understand. Really.” He pulled away just enough to see Dean’s face and met the hunter’s eyes for what felt like the first time in eons. And, at that moment, Cas resolved not to leave this dark, rotting shed without showing Dean exactly how he felt. A few tears still lingered on the hunter’s face and Dean roughly wiped them away with one hand, as if embarrassed by the droplets.

“Okay, well, glad we g–”

Cas leaned forward and pressed his lips to Dean’s softly, hesitantly asking a question. He felt the hunter open his mouth slightly in surprise as the angel began pulling away. For a loaded moment, Dean’s breath mingled hotly with his own in the space between their trembling lips, and Cas began to wonder if he had made a mistake.

But then, all of a sudden, Dean was kissing him back with force, and Cas could feel hands in his hair, on his neck, running along his shoulders, even as his own found the other man’s stubble. The beautiful mouth now pressed against his was warm and wet and oddly squishy, and all Cas could think was, _oh_ , and then, _finally_.

They broke apart, breathless, unsure. The hunter’s skin was flushed in the low light, and the angel offered a gentle smile. Looking at his eyes, now a faint grey-green and barely visible with the sun gone, Cas knew what Dean had been trying to say all along.

“I love you too, Dean.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An anxious Dean tries to open up, and a supportive Cas is definitely willing to help him do so. They continue their conversation after Sam's earlier teasing led them to confess their feelings for one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 Comments and suggestions always welcome; hope you enjoy! Thanks for reading!

Dean allowed his tough facade to weaken and smiled down at Cas– bright, toothy, sweet. Cas angled his face upward and blinked quickly, dark lashes seeming to move of their own accord– how in the hell did they do that?– and Dean felt his heart melt.

“I love you too, Dean.” 

Cas’ expression was barely visible in the dusk, but Dean could still make out his smile, that rare, wide one that reached his eyes and made them squeeze ever so slightly. It seemed impossible that he was here, in this dusty shed, with his closest friend and love saying those words. He held back a sob with his grin. He didn’t deserve the angel– _his_ angel– standing before him. He really didn’t.

“Cas… I… man.” He loved Cas too. He knew he did. But he couldn’t even get the words out. What were three little words compared to what he did every day? _Get your shit together, Winchester_ , Dean berated himself, _it’s not like he’s saying he hates you, or that he’s going back to Heaven, or_ leaving _you, dammit_. He steeled himself even at the thought of that coming to pass, his worst nightmare. No. Cas was here, it was fine, he was _here–_

“Dean, are you all right?” His surroundings came back into focus suddenly: Cas was studying his face, concern etched in the lines around his pale, steely eyes. Dean realized there were tears dripping down his face for the second time that evening. He was a mess tonight. Couldn’t even do one thing right. He instinctively jerked away, the coarse material of his sleeve scraping the tears from his cheek. 

_Why couldn’t he just say something nice– say something,_ anything _…_ The hunter’s mind ran beyond his control, whispering, _You’re useless…_ and _How hard can it be?_ , and more tears escaped against his will.

Cas placed a steady hand on one of the hunter’s shoulders, layers of clothes swishing through the night air as he moved up to stand beside him. From the corner of his eye, blurry, Dean made out a set of dark brows, concerned. He couldn’t believe he had lost control of himself like this, here, with the two of them alone and… and… talking about _this_ of all things. The reflection just deepened his anguish and he plopped onto a rickety bench that was against the wall, dropping his head into his hands. At least this kind of panic had never struck when his life was on the line– Dean knew otherwise he wouldn’t be here.

Cas sat down gently beside him. “Dean.”

“Cas, I’m sorry, I– I don’t know what the hell’s wrong with me,” he muttered as his fingers dug into his scalp. “I’m a fucking mess.” 

In truth, he had some ideas of what it was. He supposed that the events of tonight were unraveling the very large pile of forgotten shit he had intentionally shoved away over the years. _Karma. Always gonna bite you in the ass._ Dean thought wryly. The familiar bite of sarcasm comforted the hunter.

Beige shifted through Dean’s vision and a comforting weight settled on his shoulders as Cas wrapped the hunter in his coat. The surprisingly affectionate action stunned Dean for a moment before he remembered the conversation that had taken place not two minutes ago. The bench complained as Cas scooted closer, and Dean felt their knees touch lightly. 

“Will you tell me what’s bothering you?” Cas spoke in a matter-of-fact way that made Dean’s brain tingle. He loved that he always knew exactly what Cas meant to say. No double meanings, no hidden threats, no need to read between the lines. Just Cas.

 _In, out. Come on._ Dean took a breath and exhaled slowly. “Yeah. I’m good now. Just… nevermind. What I meant to say was, I do, too. Uh, love you, I mean. That… came out wrong. Damn.”

Cas’ firm, rosy lips stretched into a playful smile. “Don’t worry, Dean. It’s not the words themselves, or the way they are said, that matter.” Dean’s heart stopped as Cas turned toward him, placed a hand on his denim-covered knee, and pecked a kiss on his cheek. 

The hunter couldn’t believe he had let anything shake him up tonight, especially in spite of this. _This._ Dean had never imagined how relieving it would be to finally admit it. He loved Cas. And Cas knew it. _Damn, this has been a long time coming._ Dean internally smiled.

The thought must have shown through to his expression because Cas’ smile deepened slightly as his hand found the hunter’s. Their fingers laced together in his pocket, enveloped by sturdy green fabric. Dean liked the feeling of the smooth skin against his own, and he leaned further into the Cas’ collared shirt.

“So, what do we do now?” Cas asked softly. “Do we… do something differently? I’m familiar with human mating rituals, but–”

Dean turned his head with attempted nonchalance, eyes wide and eyebrows high, cheeks heating up despite his best efforts. “Cas! Um–” he huffed out a laugh before continuing. “Well, I guess partners, or whatever, they can express themselves to each other more publicly. And not, y’know, pretend.”

“Hmm. I like the sound of these ‘partners.’” Cas’ smirked in a way that made Dean’s brain somersault inside his skull.

“Me too,” Dean murmured. He could hardly believe this was happening. Here he was, with Cas, in the middle of the night– in a gross wooden shed of all places– talking about everything that had gone unsaid between them. _This might give my Fourth of July heaven a run for its money_ , Dean mused.

Heaven, night… it was nighttime! _Stars._

“Hey, Cas, wanna stargaze? If you want?”

“Okay, um. What exactly is ‘stargazing’?”

“Lemme show you.” Dean shrugged the trench coat off so it was hanging from his arm. He stood, tugging the angel to his feet through their clasped hands. 

The pair slipped out of the shed, figures silhouetted against the dark purple sky. Dean pulled Cas toward the other side of the lot, where there was a small field of grass. Perfect.

“Stargazing. So. You just lie on the ground and look at the stars, constellations and shit. Pretty self-explanatory.” Dean looked back at Cas as they reached the edge of the grass, noting the small smile playing on the angel’s lips.

“It’s an activity intended for relaxation and enjoyment, yes?”

“Mhm.” Dean slowly sat on the dry grass, Cas following the motion. He twisted toward Cas to drape the coat across the angel’s shoulders, savoring the marvelous, marvelous moment when those baby blue eyes met his. Pulling the trench coat back on, the angel sunk to the grass and folded his legs neatly into a cross while Dean instead flopped down and extended his loosely before him.

“We should probably lie down to see the stars better.” Cas looked over at Dean questioningly. 

“Mmm.” Dean scooted closer until their shoulders were touching and then lay down on the grass, quietly patting the empty space beside him.

Cas, still seated upright, was looking up at the sky and was oblivious to Dean’s invitation. The hunter couldn’t drag his eyes away from the man next to him no matter how hard he tried. And, oh, how he tried. He studied the back of the angel’s neck, the raven hair sticking up adorably in every direction, the rough stubble framing a sharp jaw.

Dean was so caught up in just observing the figure next to him that he nearly jumped when the angel laid back on the grass.

“You all right, Dean?” Apparently, Cas had felt him tense in surprise. Damn. 

“Yeah. Just startled me.” Dean offered a small grin as reassurance.

Cas returned with a grin of his own and leaned down to lightly touch a kiss to Dean’s nose. The hunter thought his stomach would jump out of his body from the sheer number of butterflies tickling his insides. 

Dean snagged the material of the trench coat’s sleeve and tugged the angel closer, causing them to scoot closer together simultaneously, subconsciously. The air between them warmed as the pair realized what they had just done, but they didn’t move back. Rather, Cas gingerly tucked his arm against Dean’s, searching for the hunter’s hand. Rough skin met smooth as their fingers knitted together once again.

Dean contemplated the sky for a moment, taking in the multitude of twinkling lights shining out from a dark indigo blanket. He was always awed by the sheer size of everything and how small his life was in comparison. The hunter arched his back slightly, working out a kink in his spine, and settled into the ground as if it was a soft, cushioned mattress. 

_Wonder if Cas has ever seen those stars._ He shrugged internally. _May as well ask, even if it seems like a dumbass question._

“C-” Dean’s voice came out hoarse, so he cleared his throat and tried again. “Cas?” 

“Yes?”

“What’s it like? Being an angel, I mean.”

Cas pursed his lips, thinking. “It is knowing the intimate details of everything, how it works and was made. But it’s also simply knowing nothing at all, because we are just another of God’s creations. And, well, we met Chuck. I don’t think even _he_ knows why anything is. Aside from the politics of heaven, of course, which was designed so the order of angels would stay subservient–”

“Cas.” Dean interrupted gently before Cas could go any further. “I didn’t mean about God, or Heaven, or your siblings, or any other sons of bitches. You. I meant you.”

Cas blinked twice, seemingly taken aback. “Well, uh.” He paused. “No one has ever asked me that before. I am glad I have angelic power, because it allows me to protect those who cannot protect themselves. I can help those who have been wronged.” Cas tilted his head proudly. A thought seemed to cross his mind, and he curled up a little. “Assuming I have the power, that is. When my grace is depleted, it… it’s the worst thing in the world. Like I _know_ I could do a mission if only it was a different day, but because I am not at my best… I end up unnecessary. Useless.”

Oh, Dean knew what that felt like. He squeezed Cas’s slender hand, stroking the angel’s skin softly with the pad of his thumb.

“You’re never useless,” he whispered, barely breathing the words into the frosty air. The hunter’s peripheral vision caught a twitch in the angel’s face, although he wasn’t sure if it was a reaction to his words.

“Even when I was powerless as a human, at least I was hunting with you and Sam, and learning about humanity through experience– I was doing something worthwhile. I guess… I only ever experienced being human for a relatively short period of time,” Cas began to speak hurriedly, “and I am glad I have retained some human characteristics. They seem to have weakened as I am technically an angel again, but memory of the experience is enough to simulate the sensations.”

Dean’s brows furrowed as he listened attentively. He never knew Cas missed being human, even the “good” parts of being human– he had thought he had always been happy as an angel.

Cas continued, his gravelly voice bringing Dean back to the moment. “Emotions, empathy. Some feelings have faded, others have not.” He paused to tilt his head toward Dean’s concerned expression before returning his gaze upward. “Tasting food.” He smiled sadly at Dean’s low chuckle. “I know I am set apart by species.”

“Cas. Hey.” Dean waited until the angel looked back over and met his eyes. “Look. Whether you’re an angel, or a human, or a vamp for all I care, you’re still family. Okay?” Dean held Cas’ gaze intently, eyes shimmering green, as they lay side by side. 

The angel nodded, still forlorn. All thought of stargazing forgotten, Dean sat up. _He_ can’t _think he’s useless, he’s… he’s everything. All of it._

Cas followed suit shortly after, pulling himself up neatly using the hunter’s shoulder. Dean put an arm around him without a thought, and the two leaned into one another, perfectly balanced.

“I’m here for you, Cas.”

“I am for you too, Dean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean sort of freaked out after he processes what happened... sorry haha. I just really love to write conflicted Dean in emotional scenes.
> 
> Also-- flustered Dean is so odd to write? He's almost never (if at all) like that one the show so it's just strange-- but even Dean can't hide from shenanigans of the heart! I hope I did it justice and thank you!!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!  
> This was my first fic ever, so I hope you like it and thanks for reading!
> 
> Update: I couldn't get my mind off of this, so I'm writing a Part 2 from Dean's POV! Though it might take ages to write 'cause I'm slow. Sorry y'all. *rolls eyes at self*


End file.
